Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
farters have to be the big spoon...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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