Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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