I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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