party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize