Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Couch. On fire.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
