I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
