I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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