i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
