it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
