you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
