I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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