I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
