So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
