a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
