You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
