How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
