i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
