I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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