I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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