I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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