i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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