youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
