when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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