I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
