This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You can't special order awesome
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
