so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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