DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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