Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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