Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
