I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
