i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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