I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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