someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
