Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
