girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
