i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My bed smells like the plague
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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