I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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