11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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