I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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