If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
