Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
