Don't you send me to vm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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