Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
