I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
