I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
