Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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