i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
