matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
