The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
