My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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