Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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