My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
