dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
