all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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