Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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