Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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