I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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