Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize