I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
where are you?
Hypothermia
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
