Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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