That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize