Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize