Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
