just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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