I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
