i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
